So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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