After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
