Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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