It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
