it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
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At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
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It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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