My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
