So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
