Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
