wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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