Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
