This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
