then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
