he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
