did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
