im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
