we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
