i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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