Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
