There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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