This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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