I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
