Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
