Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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