I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize