Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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