worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
