We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
