After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
After last night, I could never be a politician.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
