hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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