If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
