The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
