Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
