Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
