he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
