just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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