Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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