He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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