Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
