I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize