He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
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and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
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My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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