Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
