why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
