I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
