I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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