I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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