Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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