Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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