We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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