Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
