I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
