Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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