he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
