I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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