I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
