is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
