I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
