i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
