you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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