If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
