R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
