She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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