I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My sheets look like a crime scene.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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