We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
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It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
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Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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