My hand turned me down
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
