Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
