Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
