I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
