Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
