...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
