Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
