nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
