Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
