I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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