I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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