i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
