Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
