I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
