I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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