He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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